The Abortion Manifesto

Friends,

This is a manifesto for all of those who live in our great country who oppose abortion. It is the summation of everything we believe and everything that will occur should we prevail in our holy quest to rid our land of the sin that is abortion by overturning the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision and making abortion illegal in the United States.

Obviously I, as an upper-middle class white man, know everything that can be known about pregnancy and abortion and am therefore the perfect author for this manifesto. In this manifesto, I will explain what we stand for, why abortion should be illegal, and what should happen once it is made illegal.

1. Abortion is murder

Let's start here. Anybody who is against abortion is against it based on this principle: it takes the life of an unborn child. A child was going to be born if the abortion hadn't happened. That child was murdered against its will. That is the principal for which we stand.

2. Murder is illegal

Murder is a crime therefore abortion is a crime. If abortion is a crime, then it must be punished as such.

3. The penalty for murder is life in prison or death

Since abortion is murder, then those who murder must be punished according to our laws. Since abortion does not happen by accident, it must be considered murder in the first degree and punished as such. Therefore, all those who knowingly engage in an abortion must be charged with murder in the first degree and punished by receiving either life in prison or the death penalty, which is consistent with what others get who are charged with the same crime.

4. Anyone associated with an abortion must be punished

Among other things, men who leave their pregnant wives, girlfriends, or one-night stands, and do not live up to their obligations as fathers and are contributing factors in the decision by a woman to get an abortion must be punished. There must be laws on the books that try these individuals for second-degree murder.

5. The penalties for abortion should be retroactive

Murder is not a crime whose definition changes. Murder is the taking of a life. If it was murder one day, then it is murder tomorrow. If it was murder ten years ago, then it is murder today. Abortion has never been legal in the eyes of God and murder has never been legal in the eyes of our legal system. Therefore, all records of all abortions will be handed over and all people involved in any abortion for which there are records will be punished. We cannot possibly let these murders go unpunished, can we?

This is our abortion manifesto. This is how we must deal with abortion and how we make our society whole. This manifesto is the logical outcome of our argument that abortion must be illegal based on the principal that abortion is murder.

sat·ire

[sat-ahy^uh r] –noun 1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. 2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule. 3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.